Needed to Go, Wanted to Stay
by mkh2
Summary: Happier version of Needed to Go
1. Needed to Go, Wanted to Stay

Needed to Go, Wanted to Stay

~

an Inuyasha fanfiction

by

mkh2

~

Sad to say, my efforts to obtain and possess Inuyasha have been futile; therefore, I still do not own the puppy with the cute ears. (Whee! Lookit 'em twitch!) That honor goes to the creator, Rumiko Takahashi, long may her inkwell overflow with ideas.

~

This piece was inspired when, watching the second Inuyasha movie, Inuyasha and Kagome were fighting (as usual) and this little line came up.

Inuyasha: I'll let you come back whenever you want once we've collected [the shikon shards]

Kagome: You say that, but you can't do anything without me.

I was suddenly struck by his words – go back to her time after the shards are collected? Is he implying, somehow, that he expects her to stay (or at least hang out) in the Sengoku Jidai after all shards are collected (and, supposedly, Naraku defeated)? Seriously, since he has no real claim to her (hello, dead ex-girlfriend issues?) he has no right to expect her to come back once that responsibility is done.

~

            To say that defeating Naraku was a struggle was hardly an exaggeration. In fact, in Inuyasha's opinion, it was an outright understatement. Relaxing in his tree near the tiny river he thought about all the injuries.

            Miroku was still recovering, though thankfully without any fear of death by Kazaana; Sango, whose injuries were mostly trivial, had been knocked out by her own weapon (returned full force multiplied tenfold), had only just regained consciousness; Kaede had received yet another bad slice on her body; and even Shippou and Myouga were nursing their own various wounds. Kagome, also somewhat battered, though mostly the wounds were superficial, still looked windswept, and Inuyasha couldn't help smiling as recalled to mind the sight of her wobbling over to the remains of the soiled baboon pelt to pick up Naraku's shards (who, just recently, acquired Kouga's shards, leaving the wolf youkai out of commission and unable to "attend Naraku's farewell party" as Kagome put it.) Inuyasha was struck by how much she looked like a stand-in for the Bride of Frankenstein but made no mention of it, knowing as how Kagome's ire often flared up when she heard that phrase since "it was the _doctor_ who was Frankenstein and not the _monster_ – stupid Hollywood." He tried hard not to laugh, his ribs were still sore from being slammed repeatedly into the rockiest, hardest and sharpest side of the nearest available mountain repeatedly.

            "Inuyasha?" a voice drifted up to him where he perched and, suppressing a soft smile, looked down to the person below him. Kagome. _His_ Kagome. Now that the shards and Naraku were out of the way, and once he dealt with Kikyo, he felt free to focus solely on the girl and his ever-growing feelings for her. He had loved her for a long time and now he was ready to confess, though he kinda wished he had had the guts to have made mention of it even as far back as the fight with those idiot Thunder Brothers. 

            "Feh." Inuyasha dropped light from the tree next to the slender girl, willing the strange flipping off his stomach to stop as he tried to figure out how to go from here… that is, after whatever Kagome came to him to talk about was out of the way. He had often sat thinking of how to convince her to stay after their mission was complete and yet, even as he looked at her, he had no idea.

            "Let's go for a walk," Kagome smiled gently at him and turning, started slowly down the path. Sticking his hands in his sleeves, Inuyasha trailed after her, wondering what she wanted to say since he knew she _really_ meant, "let's talk."

            Soon enough they found themselves under the shade of the Goshinboku, its protective branches bringing them welcomed relief from the hot summer sun. She reached up and lightly touched the spot where he was anchored to, kissing the bare tree. For some reason, Inuyasha blushed.

            "I'm going to miss this."

            Inuyasha blinked and looked sharply at her. "What?"

            Smiling, Kagome turned to stare him in the eyes. "I'm going to miss this place, this time, this… everything. I'll miss you." Fiddling with her necklace she pulled it off and, taking both his hands in hers, she placed it in his palm, Shikon no Tama and all, and closed his hands around it. "Wish to be a youkai or wish to be a human. Wish to forget or wish to remember. Wish for love or wish for nothing at all. Wish for Kikyo, even. Whatever you wish for, may you find happiness." She sat on the gnarled roots of the Goshiboku and let out a sigh.

            "What do you mean? What are you talking about? The Shikon no Tama is yours… just, don't leave." Inuyasha sank to his knees at her feet, dropping the sacred jewel into her lap. "You can't just leave."

            "You don't understand, do you? I've been gone for so long." Kagome leaned her head back against the tree. "I've been _dead_ for so long."

            "What in the world— Kagome, you don't make any sense. You're still alive. Is something wrong?" Inuyasha grabbed hold of her hands. They were warm, not cold, like _hers_.

            "You're wrong, Inuyasha. You still don't understand. I've been dead for a long, long time. I don't know how much longer I can go on."

            "No, you're lying! You're not dead! Kikyo—" he stopped. He hadn't said her name since having defeated Naraku, since having completed the Shikon no Tama, and not for some time before that. It felt almost strange, saying her name. And somehow, he felt as if he had done something wrong by saying her name.

            Kagome fixed him with a stare. There was no anger or sadness or pity or remorse in that look, just a look of calmness and peace.

            "I've been dead, Inuyasha, ever since that day you said her name and ripped my soul from my body."

            Inuyasha froze. She couldn't be talking about that day… that day when Kikyo's ashes were made into a sham body by the cursed Onibaba Urasue, could she? She was. He knew she was and it weighed heavily on his heart, how her body had spasmed and lurched and she was as dead for all that time, and, when her soul was returned to her body he left to go after Kikyo instead of checking on her. He felt guilty afterwards, but he felt that he needed to put Kikyo to rest and for them all to have closure. It hadn't happened.

            Kagome seemed to know what he was thinking and a strange smile, disconnected from any emotions seemingly, floated eerily on her lips.

            "I was dead Inuyasha. I am dead. I just came back for you because I couldn't stand knowing that you were being hurt. My body is to me what Kikyo's body of clay is to her – merely a vessel to allow me to accomplish my mission."

            "No!" Inuyasha grabbed her by the shoulders, giving her a hard shake. "Stop it! Stop lying! Your body isn't like hers, it's warm and feeling and…" he broke off and unthinkingly pressed his lips to hers, willing her to respond. Nothing. "Please… I never felt for her what I felt for you. She never made me feel the things I feel when I'm with you. You can't be dead, not when…" 'Not when I was going to finally confess.'

            The smile saddened and her hand touched his cheek. He leaned into it hungrily, disbelieving the situation, not wanting to hear her words. He wouldn't let her go, he couldn't.

            "I'm sorry Inuyasha, I wish I could have told you sooner… I love you and will always be with you." Kagome's arms encircled his head and pulled him to her, Inuyasha burying his head into her neck.

            "You're not dead, you're not dead, you're alive, you're warm and breathing, your heart's beating, I want you to be my mate," Inuyasha began to ramble, clinging to her. Maybe if he kept saying it she would believe it too and everything would be all right.

            "Sorry Inuyasha… so sorry."

            "But I love you!" The cry tore from his throat, rasping, as he pulled her body flush to his. "I was finally going to tell you and now you're saying these crazy things but I won't allow it, I can't! I love you!" He held tightly to her body… he was shaking, but didn't pay any attention, didn't realize it, all senses trained on the girl in his arms, the girl he had so long loved, so longed to make his mate, the one he had protected, the one he had hurt, the one who saved him.

            Gentle lips pressed against his forehead. "I know Inuyasha, I know. That's why I'm sorry." She caressed his ears, first one, then the other, soothing him, before drawing herself back. "I'm dead and I can't change that."

            "But… the Shikon no Tama…"

            "Don't Inuyasha… I don't want any selfish wish made on my part."

            He opened his mouth to object then bit his lip. Lowering his head he nodded. 

            "What would you have me do?"

            "Hold me?"

            Inuyasha pulled her into his arms.

            "What about the tama?"

            "It's yours."

            "I don't want it anymore… I want you." 'Let me be selfish!' his mind screamed.

            "That won't make the jewel go away… I'd suggest burning it with my body, but you know how that turned out the last time it was tried…" Kagome smiled weakly and closed her eyes. _Goodbye…_

            "Kagome?" Inuyasha whispered. Why was she so quiet? "Kagome?" Why was she so cold? "Kagome?!" Why wasn't she… breathing? "Kagome!"

            ~Owari~

Ah… The orignal ending was rather angsty, but I'm a sucker for happy endings. Anyways, I'll post the epilogue up… tomorrow, sometime. The original version is posted under "Inuyasha: Thoughts." Please review it and tell me what you think. … So, for any angst lovers out there, you can get your cake and eat it too, and a piece of pie on the house… (Sorry… I'm kinda hungry.)

~

I think my favorite part of the second movie is where he does the doggy shake: he just finished fighting against the giant hydra-dragon (a many headed snake crossed with an aquatic dragon) so he gets down on all fours and *shake!* Cuuuuuttttteeeeeee…..

Here was my reaction:

Mikki:  ::eyes go wide:: Puppy! ::bounces in the chair::

Dad:  ::passing through:: No dogs in the house.


	2. Epilogue

Needed to Go, Wanted to Stay

~

an Inuyasha fanfiction

by

mkh2

~

::Checks my room:: Le's'see… some books, DVDs, keychains, hole punch, stapler, mirror, character bags… Nuts! I still can't find the deed to Inuyasha. Looks like he's still not mine.

~

This piece was inspired by a few lines in the second Inuyasha movie when Inuyasha and Kagome were fighting:

Inuyasha: I'll let you come back whenever you want once we've collected [the shikon shards]

Kagome: You say that, but you can't do anything without me.

~

            He wasn't quite sure how long he sat at the base of the Goshiboku, holding her body. A light rain had started to fall despite the sun (Jun Gloom, Kagome had called it…) and he began to wipe her face dry and covered her in his haori, not wanting her frail body to get wet. Perhaps it was time to head back to the village… but then he knew they'd make him face the fact that she was dead and he wasn't ready to yet.

            "Kagome, did you know that I used to spend hours sitting in your room when you'd be at school, just breathing in your scent? It's so comforting, I just wanted to lie there forever…" He brushed her hair from her face, talking to her softly and holding her close to him, ignoring the sickly sweet scent of death that surrounded her. He had noticed that scent on her, once before, but shrugged it off. She was smiling and talking about a bad dream she had where she had failed two tests completely… he never understood why she insisted on taking those tests, especially when he had planned on keeping her here when all was done… Of course, she hadn't known his thoughts on the matter…

            He closed his eyes and remembered that day, the day she had said she'd died. He had said Kikyo's name… never before had he ever felt such regret for a carelessly spoken word… Kikyo came back to… whatever state that was she was in… still in… she still needed to be put to rest… he _thought_ she was put to rest… Kagome came back to consciousness… that scent, that sickly sweet scent clung to her… he brushed it off as he sighed in relief over what she said her "horrible" nightmare was…

            That evening, Shippou had commented that her scent had changed. He refused to acknowledge it.

            He closed his eyes and pulling Kagome's body even closer to him, huddled under the Goshinboku.

            He didn't want to admit it… the scent never left.

            Sitting in her room he felt the most at peace. It never picked up that other scent, the one he pretended wasn't there. He loved Kagome's scent, had _always_ loved her scent… loved the peace and calmness it invoked. Once he fell asleep on her bed. He hadn't meant to, but he was so tired, and her scent was so soothing, and in her time he felt safe and he just… slept. He didn't quite notice the fatigue she expressed the next day, he felt so happy. He was alive, Kagome was alive, they were back in his time and all was right in the world.

            He was wrong.

            "Heh, Kagome, if you were dead all this time, why were you so intent on going to that "school" and taking those "tests"… did you not want to be with me?" He trembled slightly and pulled her into a different position on his lap, looking directly into her face. He couldn't seriously believe that, especially after what she had told him…

            Tests were so important, she had told him, _school_ is so important, she had said repeatedly, because how well you do in school dictates how well you do in life. She wanted to live a successful, happy life, and in her world, school is the determining factor. So much emphasis was placed on school. From the day she was born she had heard this. She didn't want to let her family down. She had many responsibilities… she once… before the "resurrection" of Kikyo… had told him, well, _yelled_ at him, that when she was done here, she needed to make sure she still would have a future in her world. Maybe she went to school for a sense of normalcy. Whatever the reason, she took the tests, and sent out her resume to high schools with everyone else when the time, hoping to hear acceptance.

            She was now a proud high school student.

            She _was_ a high school student.

            Something silvery-white floated on the breeze, came closer and closer. _Youkai_. Kikyo's shinidama-chuu, those soul-stealing youkai that carry them to their undead mistress to keep her body animated. Well, Inuyasha won't allow _this_ soul to be stolen.

            "Grah!" With a yell, Inuyasha swung his Tetsusaiga at the youkai, cleaving it in two and causing it to fade away. Angrily, he got to his feet.

            It was time to confront Kikyo.

~

            Kikyo sat in the midst of a clearing, gathering souls to her as she needed, patiently waiting to see what would happen next. Inuyasha had agreed with her that his life was hers, an agreement that left feeling assured that now that Naraku was no more and the issues with the Shikon no Tama resolved, he would soon be joining her in her descent to eternal death. Once she thought she loved him. She decided now, looking back, that what she felt was a hunger and a lust for what he potentially could be, a human, and a way out for her, a way to have a normal life, and a _companion_. Still, she couldn't help but feel jealous of _that girl_. She didn't even deserve to be called by name… the little twit couldn't compare.

            "Kikyo!" came the call.

            He is come, thought the former miko. I shall finally have what is due me. She turned to him, a cool smirk on her face…

            …and froze, a frigid grimace contorting her beautiful features.

            "What is the meaning of this, Inuyasha?"

            He held the girl in his arms, pressing her intimately against himself.

            When she was alive, they would often meet and talk, occasionally brushing hands, feet, exchanging looks with each other and once even holding each other. She had wanted to kiss him. She couldn't then but had, once, kissed him in the form she was in now. But even being held by him, then and all the times thereafter, her never once held her as intimately and carefully as he did her reincarnation now. She couldn't stand it.

            "She's dead." Inuyasha stared at her, or maybe through her, his eyes didn't seem to see her at all, an emptiness that chilled her to the core and seemed to swallow her up. "She's been dead for so long… I never knew… not really… didn't want to know… all my fault…"

            "What?" Kikyo stared in surprise. Had he gone mad?

            He gently placed the fragile body on the ground, so delicately, as if she was made of glass.

            "Give her soul back, Kikyo, she deserves it."

            "It's my soul! It was mine first!" How dare he tell her to go back to that girl, even now that she's dead?

            "Your time with it was up a long time ago… it's hers now… it would have never even left her it wasn't for me… I've done much for you Kikyo, none of which you've ever acknowledged… do this one thing for me."

            "It's _my_ soul… why haven't I received it yet?" hissed Kikyo angrily.

            "I wouldn't let your shinidama-chuu take it."

            "No! Give it up! The girl's dead. Now is the time for us to—"

            "No."

            There was something in his voice that made her pause. His eyes were tinted red, his fangs and claws began to grow, and dark, jagged purple stripes slowly started to appear on his face.

            "She's given up so much for me and you, the both of us… The least I can do is let her rest in peace… _fully_ in peace. I won't go with you – I can't. I owe it to her." He raised his hand, claws extended. "Give up your soul now, or I _will_ take it from you."

            Kikyo stared, half in shock, half in awe, at the transfigured hanyou in front of her. The youkai was taking over him and yet he spoke so calmly… it was a wonder that he could transform like this, especially with the Tetsusaiga at his belt… or perhaps that was why he could do this. 

            In her lifetime, both of them, her past life and this sham-life, she had learned many things, knew many things. She knew medicine. She knew how to shoot a bow. She knew the hearts of people, rich and poor, king and servant. She knew of youkai and hanyou. She knew Inuyasha.

            She knew he was right.

            Lowering her head just once, she raised her eyes to his, a mysterious glitter and shine to them. Tears? She had a revelation.

            "I think I loved you."

            Kikyo returned to dust.

~

            Inuyasha headed back to the village, a tired and broken hanyou, now burdened with two bundles. One was a wallet that Kagome had made a gift to him of, a sort of satchel out of scrap hi-nezumi furs that was waterproof, fire-proof and leak-proof, and could be tied to his belt or around his waist easily ("the sort of thing the warrior-on-the-go needs," she had quipped). In this wallet now resided the remains of Kikyo. The other, still enfolded in his haori, was Kagome. If he ran straight there, he could easily be back in ten minutes, but walking as he was now it would take him an hour. He was in no hurry to return to the village.

            Inuyasha decided he much preferred the scenic route.

            A rush of wind let him know that he had company and Inuyasha raised his eyes to meet the cool gaze of his brother.

            "Now, Inuyasha, we fight." Sesshoumaru drew Toukijin and crouched down, preparing to spring at him.

            "No, we don't." Inuyasha stared stoically. "I must return to the village. When I am done, you may have Tetsusaiga. You may even kill me – I'd thank you for it." He clutched his precious bundles even more closely to him. "But I will not allow Kagome's or Kikyo's bodies to be desecrated."

            "Who?" Sesshoumaru raised a delicate eyebrow. He knew who they were, of course, Inuyasha's wench and the clay doll, but to his knowledge both had survived the final encounter with Naraku.

            "You know who they are," Inuyasha let Kagome's face show. "It seems she too had been dead a long time, but her need to fulfill her mission was so great that she couldn't rest. I made Kikyo return her soul, so now I can put them both to peace." He placed her on the ground and started to rearrange the haori on her; it was slipping and he wanted her body fully protected on the journey back.

            "So, you wish me to put you to death to be with her," Sesshoumaru stated, raising the Toukijin. "Wish granted."

            "What?" Inuyasha looked up at Sesshoumaru in surprise as he saw the sword heading for him then… darkness.

~

            Inuyasha's eyes fluttered open. When had it become morning? He sat up stiffly; there was a heavy blanket covering him and he pushed it off. Memories of yesterday flooded back to him and he looked around wildly, searching for Kagome… for Kagome's body. The body was lied out beside him.

            He blinked his eyes… what was that just now? He could have sworn he had seen movement. Was the grief finally overtaking him that his mind was tricking him into thinking that she could possibly be alive? He gathered her body into his arms. Warm…

            "Inuyasha?" The girl shifted in his arms and he pulled back in surprise.

            "Kagome?"

            She frowned. "Didn't I tell you not to make such a selfish wish on the Shikon no Tama?"

            "But, I haven't used it," Inuyasha exclaimed, pulling the necklace from around his neck. "See?"

            "It seems you two have finally awoken," came a cool voice from behind them. Kagome and Inuyasha whirled around to face Sesshoumaru.

            "My, aren't you two twitchy," Sesshoumaru stood. "I'll leave, then." He turned and started to leave.

            "Tenseiga."

            Sesshoumaru paused in midstep and turned to look at the girl who said it. He inclined his head, just _so_, to confirm what she thought.

            "But why?" Inuyasha cried. "I thought you killed me." He ignored Kagome's stare.

            Keeping his eyes trained on Kagome's face, Sesshoumaru replied, "This Sesshoumaru will not be in anyone's debt." Turning he paused yet again before stating clearly, "Keep the Tetsusaiga – I have no use for it." He left. 

            Kagome and Inuyasha sat quietly beside each other for some moments before turning to each other and embracing. They held each other for several minutes before pulling apart long enough to look each other in the eye.

            "What did you mean, you thought he killed you?" Kagome immediately asked, her brow furrowed in confusion. Inuyasha looked away slightly, flushing.

            "Stupid Sesshoumaru… (Ow, Kagome! Don't hit me!) He had come after me, intending to fight, again, but I told him to wait until I'm done putting you and Kikyo to rest—"

            "Kikyo? She's gone?"

            "I had to make her… she tried to take your soul and I couldn't let her… so I talked to her, and she went willingly. She gave her soul back to you."

            "I didn't mean…" Kagome trailed off, looking down at her hands uncertainly.

            "I had planned on doing that for some time. I did not intend to go with her – I wanted her at peace, but I wanted to be with you. I told him, Sesshoumaru, that when I was done with putting you two at rest, he could take Tetsusaiga, even kill me if he wants – I couldn't see any reason to go on." He looked away. "The jerk. Kills me straight off anyway."

            Kagome laughed softly and turned his face back to her. "I think the idea was so that you couldn't go set me on fire immediately. He probably only felt like having to swing the Tenseiga once." She winked. "Basically, it was a two for one deal."

            "You and shopping – it's only good when ramen's on sale," Inuyasha snorted, pretending he was annoyed, though the smile on the face ruined the illusion. "Let's go home now; we still need to take care of Kikyo."

            Pulling Kagome onto his back (it was a welcome feeling to have her legs wrapped around his waist again, her familiar weight tugging on his hair, especially when he feared he'd never carry her like this again) he started back to the village.

            "Bet they're worried," smirked Inuyasha. "I never told them what happened before I left."

            A resounding thud echoed through the forest as Kagome punished Inuyasha ("Oswurai!") for letting their friends worry.

~

            "Sesshoumaru-sama! Sesshoumaru-sama! You're back!" a smiling Rin greeted the western lord as Jaken, muttering thanks to whatever kami was listening for Sesshoumaru's quick return, pulled on Ah-Un's leash. "Look! Rin has picked a bouquet for Sesshoumaru-sama and also one for Jaken-sama and one for Ah-Un, but Ah-Un ate it."

            He nodded his head and quietly took the flowers, ignoring Jaken's shrieks about how such a gift was not befitting of his Sesshoumaru-sama. The group started walking.

            As Sesshoumaru glanced at the merrily laughing little girl at his side, he reflected to himself on Inuyasha and his wench. 'This Sesshoumaru will _not_ be in anyone's debt.'

            ~Owari~

Ta da! A happy ending, in its own way. I try not to tie things in a neat little bow all the time… That basically never happens in real life (I guess maybe my favorite ending to a story, growing up, was the one to the end of _Stuart Little_… did you know many critics hated that end?)

I don't remember exactly when it happens but I do know that at least once in the Inuyasha series there is a mention of Kagome protecting Rin. That's all.

And, yes, Kagome took him shopping once (very cute episode where Souta gets a girlfriend:) – he nearly blew a circuit trying to decide on what kind of ramen to get (I guess he got at least 60 packets or 45+ cups because he was carrying three boxes of what I'm guessing is only ramen…    

~

Just a note: I took out a line of the story (can't remember where I put it now… was Inu talking to Sesshoumaru or Kagome?) and basically it went like this:

"It didn't/doesn't matter to me if I die, because she/you didn't want me to be selfish."

Why'd I remove it? Inuyasha sounded way to suicidal already… 

Anyways, the selfish thing comes from these lines in the first chapter:

            "But… the Shikon no Tama…"

            "Don't Inuyasha… I don't want any selfish wish made on my part."

~

            "I don't want it anymore… I want you." 'Let me be selfish!' his mind screamed.

            "That won't make the jewel go away… I'd suggest burning it with my body, but you know how that turned out the last time it was tried…" Kagome smiled weakly and closed her eyes. _Goodbye…_

~i~

So, here you have it. A happy ending, ne? Well, happier than it was going to be…

~

I must reiterate that my favorite part of the second movie is where he does the doggy shake after fighting against the giant hydra-dragon (a many headed-aquatic dragon), which he did by getting down on all fours and *shake shake shake!* Way adorable.

As Daddy says, "We already have enough dogs in the house – see? Stupid bird."


End file.
